You know?
I hate the sort of fatigue you get from life when it confuses you.
Really.
Right now, my muscle pains and headache feel like nothing in comparison to the kind of tiredness I feel from dealing with life.
I never thought simply existing could be so tiring.
It’s like the whole world is bearing down upon you and nothing can be done about it…
Maybe I just need some sleep.
Sleep.
As far as I am concerned, it is the most absolute of isolations.
Sometimes that’s why I wish I could sleep for extended periods of time…
Isolated loneliness isn’t such a bad thing.
It’s almost flawless as an escape route, if you ask me.
And my escapist tendencies need that.
Somewhere away from all this confusion.
This lethargy…
This longing.
Sleep.
I think I’ll go do that right now.
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Tags: thinking
A question permeates.
Where am I?
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I am glad that I have managed to keep myself grounded.
Aware.
Perhaps I can thank my efforts to be cynical.
They’re working.
Because despite of what I truly do think and feel, I can acknowledge the impermanence of things.
The chances of it all just falling apart.
Life and it’s happenings seem to come at you in bits and pieces.
Everything is up in the air at the moment.
And I have no choice but to wait and see how it all comes down.
Well…
I’m off.
Writing for prolonged periods of time feels beyond me right now.
School’s made my brain feel dull.
XD
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Tags: thinking
It seems that…
My depression is paroxsymal.
Never actually lasting, you know?
Just a little while ago, I felt really down-for reasons beyond me, nonetheless.
Or maybe for reasons I am afraid to acknowledge.
Nevermind…
I am much too spaced out to want to think about this right now.
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Tags: thinking
Lately?
Writer’s block.
Something is compelling me to try jumping over it, but it seems like too much to do.
Perhaps I can attribute my sudden lethargy to the derailment of my summer break.
I cut my hair. (this really bothers me)
I’m about to finish my first week of class.
And it all has me feeling so catatonic.
Like my life’s already been thrown into the brainless zombie-robot pattern.
I wake up.
Take a shower.
Eat my breakfast.
Walk to school.
Sit down for devotions.
Do my PACEs.
Eat more during recess.
Go back to PACEs.
Sit around and eat again at lunch break-preferably with a book in my hand-as of now, 20th Century Ghosts, by Joe Hill.
Go back to PACEs.
Get dismissed.
Aaaaaand…
Repeat.
I find that I can’t really enjoy the security some people derive from routine.
I think I’ve become used to spontaneity, somehow.
There’s something about it that keeps me from falling asleep.
Being unaware of what’ll happen?
Makes things exciting.
Perhaps another source of my inability to dish out some writing I am happy with is…
Well, something.
Yes.
Something indeed.
Hmm.
I best log off and begin to calm down.
One more day of brainwashing and then it’s the weekend-that’s all I’ve been doing my work for. o_o
My brain’s survived all these years, so…
It’s all good.
:)
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Tags: thinking
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